It is difficult to say “no” to your kids and with out of control kids it is actually more difficult. It’s also difficult to follow through. It is kind of a knee jerk reaction. So then you are backed into a corner. You have to stick with your “no” and that is when the problems begins.
Let us go through this gradually. First, you have said no to your problem child. Next question, you got it, ‘why’? A short explanation is all you will need. If you get started overexplaining, you are giving the power over to them. That is what a defiant child wants – power. And it is an easy path to go down, because we believe it is best to get them to understand and then they will be okay with your answer.
But they don’t get ok with the answer. What happens is you end up compromising. And then you begin changing the guidelines. And whenever you do this, you are training your kiddo to not accept no for an answer. This is not good for a struggling teenager.
And if you play this out, he not only is being educated to take no for an answer, you are rewarding him too. Yep, if he makes you change the rules to what he wants, he gets what he wants! Thus the reward. Here are 5 helping ways to sticking to your no.
1. Establish your authority early on. Start setting boundaries very early in life. This involves good structure too. Such as holding your 3 yr. old kid’s hand when crossing the road. This is your foundation.
2. Look for over-stimulation. If your child is over-stimulated, he will seem like one of those out of control kids. And, thus, they have a very difficult time following directions. The best thing to do here is provide them a 5-minute rest. Then provide them a chance to do what they were asked. If they are not able, offer them a few more moments in the room to quiet down.
3. Do not let them turn you around. If you have fairly given your child a quick explanation and he starts to fight, the absolute thing to do is say “No, I am not going to talk about this any further”. Then walk away. DO NOT TURN AROUND. If you do, you give him the power to turn you around every time.
4. Explain to your child the new rules. The best time to explain the new “no” guidelines to your kid is when everything is peaceful. Inform them ‘no implies no’. Help them come up with some coping skills if no is a word that frustrates them.
5. Remember these three Parenting Roles: Instructor, Coach and Limit Setter. All 3 of these functions are vital. The first 2 lead up to being able to effortlessly do the third. A side note, not one of these roles is friend. We are, however, to be pleasant and show positive feelings to them.
That is the primary rundown. Hopefully, you will have a jump start on your children discipline at an early age, so you do not have to face kid behavior difficulties. Bear in mind, if you let them get away with not taking no for answer as children, they’ll do it as adults. This will lead to troubles in relationships.
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