Jun 19

Stress insidiously affects you, your spouse and your children. You or a family member may be suffering from stress or anxiety and not know it. There are three obsessive behaviors that you are likely to be engaging in that reduce your ability to recover from anxious moments and stop you from enjoying a stress-free life. Recognizing these barriers can be an excellent step towards getting rid of the problems associated with being over-stressed. If you have hobbies already, such as writing these might have staved off your stress in the past, but might not be working now because of the blocking behaviours.

The first is obsessive negativity. Obsessive negativity means that you tend to be “negative” about people, places, situations, and things in your life. Teenagers can be susceptible to this behaviour.

You might say things like “I never do this right” or “No one understands!” or “People don’t like me”. This may be completely subconscious, but essentially it’s an attitude that, if allowed to continues, can become ingrained! The world looks different with happiness and positive thinking.

Obsessive perfectionism is the second challenge, and can be a deep source of anxiety, especially if you are the one forcing high standards on your children. Ensure you give praise and constructive criticism, not destructive criticism. When you engage in obsessive perfectionism, everything must be done “right” – your way, to either your standards, or some standards that you perceive have been set for you. Internal statements such as, “I have to do this right, or I’ll be a failure!” or “If I am not precise, people will be mad at me!” set a person up for failure. This behavior might be totally under the threshold of your awareness, nevertheless it interferes greatly with the ability to enjoy things without feeling stress.

Obsessive analysis is the third. You might be obsessed about minute details of processes and procedures, going over them again and again until you are sure you understand it in miniscule detail – often far more than is required. You can’t relax if things go wrong, so you obsess over the processes and procedures.

An excess of analysis robs you of time to enjoy your life. You’re caught up in a loop and you need to break free by reassuring yourself that all is well and undertaking activities that take your mind off it. Understand that not doing the analysis will not compromise your life.

Don’t go rushing off to find a psychologist for you or your kids. If you have already identified blocking behaviours, the first step is to consult your friends and family to get any feedback from them. It will help them if you explain what the blocking behaviour types are so that they can give you a critique based specifically on those things as opposed to trivialities such as your dress sense or whether you can sing! Incidentally, singing lyrics to songs you like can be a great stress reliever.

Explain the three blocking behaviours and ask them to specifically address those as opposed to things that might not be relevant. The insight you will get from others’ assessment of you is invaluable and you’ll know precisely how others see you.

Secondly, keep a diary to write down and establish patterns of when blocking behaviors are used. Even if you are not thrilled with the idea of writing, you can make little entries into a note book or journal each day. The great part is that you’ll begin to see patterns in behavior that reveal exactly what is happening to foster anxiety.

Tagged with:
Aug 01

It is difficult to say “no” to your kids and with out of control kids it is actually more difficult. It’s also difficult to follow through. It is kind of a knee jerk reaction. So then you are backed into a corner. You have to stick with your “no” and that is when the problems begins.

Let us go through this gradually. First, you have said no to your problem child. Next question, you got it, ‘why’? A short explanation is all you will need. If you get started overexplaining, you are giving the power over to them. That is what a defiant child wants – power. And it is an easy path to go down, because we believe it is best to get them to understand and then they will be okay with your answer.

But they don’t get ok with the answer. What happens is you end up compromising. And then you begin changing the guidelines. And whenever you do this, you are training your kiddo to not accept no for an answer. This is not good for a struggling teenager.

And if you play this out, he not only is being educated to take no for an answer, you are rewarding him too. Yep, if he makes you change the rules to what he wants, he gets what he wants! Thus the reward. Here are 5 helping ways to sticking to your no.

1. Establish your authority early on. Start setting boundaries very early in life. This involves good structure too. Such as holding your 3 yr. old kid’s hand when crossing the road. This is your foundation.

2. Look for over-stimulation. If your child is over-stimulated, he will seem like one of those out of control kids. And, thus, they have a very difficult time following directions. The best thing to do here is provide them a 5-minute rest. Then provide them a chance to do what they were asked. If they are not able, offer them a few more moments in the room to quiet down.

3. Do not let them turn you around. If you have fairly given your child a quick explanation and he starts to fight, the absolute thing to do is say “No, I am not going to talk about this any further”. Then walk away. DO NOT TURN AROUND. If you do, you give him the power to turn you around every time.

4. Explain to your child the new rules. The best time to explain the new “no” guidelines to your kid is when everything is peaceful. Inform them ‘no implies no’. Help them come up with some coping skills if no is a word that frustrates them.

5. Remember these three Parenting Roles: Instructor, Coach and Limit Setter. All 3 of these functions are vital. The first 2 lead up to being able to effortlessly do the third. A side note, not one of these roles is friend. We are, however, to be pleasant and show positive feelings to them.

That is the primary rundown. Hopefully, you will have a jump start on your children discipline at an early age, so you do not have to face kid behavior difficulties. Bear in mind, if you let them get away with not taking no for answer as children, they’ll do it as adults. This will lead to troubles in relationships.

Tagged with:
Jun 30

Teens having plastic surgery have become a common phenomenon recently. No longer is plastic surgery the realm of wealthy older women, it has actually become a dominion for teenagers with rich folks and adolescent hang-ups.

The growth in the number of teenagers going for plastic surgery has increased. Dr. Darrick Antell, a top New York City plastic surgeon, cautions against calling teen plastic surgery a trend. “One of the main causes for the growth is visibility: today’s teenagers are growing up with parents who have taken cosmetic surgery, so they see and discover about it more. The media has also done a great job of making people aware of the processes available. Another reason is acceptability. In a way, plastic surgery has come out of the closet,” Dr. Antell narrates.

Oftentimes, teenagers who desire plastic surgery recognize that this is more than just skin deep. Teenagers desire to change the way they look through plastic surgery to address issues of self-esteem. Plastic surgery doctors are very much aware of the drama affecting the lives of these teenagers and aware that these play an important part in their choice to go with plastic surgery. Thus, most doctors often evaluate the physical, emotional and psychological maturity of a person before getting through with the plastic surgery procedure.

They also recognize the fact that doing plastic surgery on a person will not secure that it will boost their self confidence. Many doctors have done plastic surgery on models and actresses who still, were very insecure. Physical change is possible, but it will not ensure confidence.

So, for teens who like to go through plastic surgery, it is important to ask yourself what is your end game and what is your target. Plastic surgery is not the ultimate solution to make things better.

Tagged with:
preload preload preload